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Article from our newsletter "Sense of a Goose",
October 2001.
It can also be downloaded
as a PDF-file for easy printing/reading.
Trust
What does trust really mean? There are more trainings than
we can count that speak of trust and several of the lets us
experience this thing in different forms, for example by improvisational
theatre together with my co-workers or by falling backwards
into the arms of my waiting (hopefully) colleagues.
I have spent some time think about the concept of trust and
this article is a collection of quotes, poems, reading and
some other stuff mixed with my own reflections and experiences
of this concept. In my work with peoples growth, and lets
not forget - my own growth, I perceive myself as constantly
bumping into this five letter word. So together lets twist
and turn this word around for a bit.
Erik Eriksson who amongst other things is well known for
his work with children's developmental stages, has said that
trust is "faith in that the good will return". Many of us
have probably played peek-a-boo with a small child and seen
its eyes fill with wonder as Mum (or whoever you may be in
the life of this little child) disappear and then return again.
Eriksson claims that this is something that the child has
to be trained, experiencing how its mother disappears, to
then return once again as a representation of the good in
life. Faith in that the good will return.
Do we believe that when we have a conflict at work? A fight
with our beloved about who should really decide where the
furniture should go? Will the good return even if I express
my own will, give words to my feelings and reactions that
might be perceived as negative by others? Do I trust the people
around me? Do I have faith in that the good will return?
"When we feel safe in our environment we also dare to
feel trust towards other people. By being available, taking
the time to explain things and answering questions, we hope
to achieve this"
(The Church School in Sala, Sweden)
A look at K F Söderwalls "Dictionary for the Medieval Swedish
Language" tells us that trust is the same as support, help
and a person in whom "we confide". In whom do you confide?
One phenomenon that seems be slanted towards the male population
and by which the author of this article also feels "infected"
by is the big challenge in asking for help. If we have a hard
time asking for, and further on receiving, support and help,
can we then feel trust? Maybe a trust building day somewhere
out in the woods or in a well-conditioned room should be about
learning to ask for help and support.
Sometimes maybe we also are apted to believe in that voice
that sits on our shoulders and tells us that "there is nobody
who is willing to take the time to help ME" or maybe just
as much that "there is nobody that would care much about receiving
my help or my support".
How about fear and trust? The father of the FIRO-theory that
speaks of a groups development over time, Will Schutz, claimed,
and still claims as far as I know, that fear is the one big
emotion that slows down the maturing and development of a
group. The most important task of a leader in this perspective
becomes to create the possibilities for decreasing fears.
To foster a belief that the good will return…
"Be silent. Have trust. Our being is creation. We are
intimately connected with what wants to become and exist.
Your deep despair is not empty anxiety, it has a tone of the
agony in depths where there is only will.."
(From the collection of poems "The Seven Deadly Sins" by Karin
Boye)
If we feel fear usually our need for control increases. To
have control and power over what happens, maybe also over
others. If I have a great amount of trust I can let go of
some of my need for control. Have you ever double-checked
on someone in your surroundings after delegating (or at least
after convincing yourself that you have been delegating) an
important task and then more or less considerately assured
yourself that the task has been done? Maybe you have on some
occasion given this task to someone whom you trust greatly
and did not feel a need to excerpt control over. If we have
too big of a need for control I do not think that we allow
an environment of trust to grow strong, but quell it in the
belief that we create safety and comfort by exercising power
over both ourselves and others.
"The bottom-line is a situation concerning the concepts
of power and trust. It is clear that if one wants to expand
the networks in a direction towards the employees, it will
require knowledge, tolerance, trust and patience. Trust creates
a feeling of safety. It makes people feel assured that it
is allowed to cooperate and share experience. This feeling
of safety increases with time. A project such as the Internship-project
therefore would not have been possible during the first year
of the network".
(University of Halmstad)
Trust is an active effort, an effort that requires a, or
lots of, choices. But we could probably also agree that I
get the courage to choose if I feel trust and dare to believe
(you know what's coming, don't you…) that the good will return,
even if I "mess up" a bit with my choice.
"Is it possible to do wrong if one acts out of love? Love
means respect for the child or the person. Every child has
a destiny. If I as a parent have trust and faith in this and
a will to carry the destiny of the child, then that gives
a unique opportunity to know what is right. Trust gives us
the courage to dare to be human and as humans we are constantly
faced with choices. Man lives in the tension between good
and bad. This is the challenge of life - to choose the "right
path". A choice has consequences and means risks - not to
choose is also a choice, though without consciously facing
the consequences."
(Kirsten Nisted, Active Baby Care)
That it is the whole person who should choose to create the
foundations for trust, we find if we search for the word "trust"
on Microsoft Encarta online edition. What appears is a list
of options for the word trust, one being trust as an emotion
and then the word "faith" is equalled with trust.
"Faith, an attitude of the entire self, including both
will and intellect, directed toward a person, an idea, or-as
in the case of religious faith-a divine being."
(Microsoft Encarta Online, www.microsoft.com)
Trust is also a commonly used law term and in Encyclopaedia
Britannica we read that in Anglo-American law it means "a
relationship between people in which one has the power to
handle property and the other has the privilege of receiving
the benefits that come out of that property". How much power
do I need to let go off for others to receive the benefits?
Do I get power by giving and receiving trust? Power can be
a negatively charged word, but if we see it as effect and
influence it can be used as something very nice, at least
in my view of the world. Once again this good use requires
an action including both the will and the mind. Motivation
and skill.
Nyberg's Bus Travel is a company that amongst other things
arrange trips by bus to a place called Taizé in the south
of France, that is every summer the meeting place of thousands
and thousands of people, many young, from around the world.
They come together to sing and many share a strong religious
belief. I have neither travelled with Nyberg's or actually
been to Taizé. Friends of mine describe a trip there as an
extra-ordinary experience and on the homepage of Nyberg's
we can read the following lines:
"The word trust is a key word in Taizé. The gatherings
that are lead by brothers from around the world lead are a
pilgrimages for trust on earth. The word trust is maybe one
the most humble, everyday words that exists and at the same
time one of most necessary.."
(Nyberg's Bus Travel)
So, what do you really mean the next time you say to someone
"I trust you"? Some clever person once said "without a relation,
no communication". I would like to add "without trust, no
relation", at least not one where we have faith in that the
good will return after sometimes disappearing around the corner.
Markus Eriksson
markus.eriksson@advenire.com
Markus Eriksson is the Director of Trainings and facilitator
with Advenire. He carries several trainer's certifications
and holds trainings in leadership and group development for
companies and other organizations. Han is also trained in
debriefing techniques and pedagogy. Currently he is enrolled
part time in a 3-year training in psychosynthesis - a tool
for making journeys into one self. For more information about
Advenire visit www.advenire.com/english.
TRUST
When I meet you I am reminded
of all the pain I have had to endure.
I am reminded of all the losses.
All the people who wandered out of my life.
It hurts so much to dare to start over again.
To dare to make a connection.
To relearn.
To have a new relation to people.
Also to you.
(Ylva's Poem No.6, Ylva Erlingsson)
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